What do you want?

Dear Me,

Sweetheart be honest with me, be honest and tell me what you want, what you crave, I need you to be straight and clear. Just tell me. I don’t like you feeling this way, and I want to help you get out of it, tell me what you want and your wish is my command.

Dear Universe,

I want that one person, the person who cuddles me to sleep at night, and doesn’t want the next morning to come around because it means that they have to let me go for the day, and that’s too long for them. I want the person who gets a buzz in their stomach when they get even the briefest of texts from me. I want to feel love, enough love to fix my broken pieces and piece me back together. I want a guy who knows me better than I know myself, and loves and is there for me no matter what I do or how I feel. I need that person. I thought I had that person, and I don’t know what to do if I lose him, and to be honest with you I don’t know if I already have.

Dear Me,

Well first you need to feel the love of yourself to get that love in return, so get loving yourself, and second, the only people you lose in your life are the people who aren’t worth a second of your time. You are worthy of so much, you are a catch and you need to act like it. It’s okay sometimes to wallow in self pity but sometimes you need to get up and act like you’re tougher then you really are, you will have your fallbacks, you will cry yourself to sleep on occasions, but you will get up, because that’s what you do, you will always get back up! Don’t give up, and remember to have fun.

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It’s Happening Again

Dear Universe,

You have always been there for me, and to say I’m grateful for that would be an understatement. I admit that I do not have a clue what your true powers are, and for me to learn that, I know will take a long time. There will times where I don’t believe in you as much as I should, and don’t let you help me. But there will also be times where I rely on you, and only you.

The thing is, at the moment I’m feeling less the my worth, and of course that is allowing people to treat me so, and I don’t know how to get back up again. I have acne, my boyfriends’ away and I have forgotten how to cope, how to power through, my confidence has dropped, and I want the bright and bubbly me back again. I need help, and to be more specific, I need your help. So please, enlighten me.

Dear Little One,

Oh please don’t worry so much, it’s draining you, and there is nothing to worry about. You know that I will cover you when you’re feeling down, letting nothing you can’t handle come your way. I know you’re struggling at the moment, I know things can sometimes seem like they are too much, but that is when you turn your phone off, turn everything off, take a drive somewhere, see your pony and just BE. Not everything will always be like this, I promise. It will work out, one way or another.

Try and not put yourself through this unnecessary pain please.

Hey little one, just popping in with some advice.

Question . . .
Would you show your best friend their ex-boyfriends social media page to show them what they’re doing without them?

Answer . . .
No. Exactly. So why on earth do you put yourself through the pain of looking at it. It’s never going to bring you joy looking at it. There are two things you feel when looking at it, either you won’t feel anything, or you will feel a gut wrenching feeling deep in your stomach. So stop it. I care about you little one, and looking at it, keeping an eye on him is not going to help you move on. I know you want to know if he still thinks about you, if he still feels the same way you do…heartbroken. Even if he does; he is (I promise this) NOT going to post it on social media. Who the hell would? Especially if they are trying to show everyone, especially you, that they are so much better without you. So stop trying to hurt yourself, and think for a second. Ask yourself the question, ‘Would I do this to my best friend?’ if ‘no’ then DON’T do it. I care about you, and it sucks when I have to see you put yourself through an unnecessary hell. You are worth so much more than him, and you don’t deserve to feel like this, you know you don’t. You are stuck with yourself for life, so be nice.

Thank you Universe,

Sometimes it’s just so hard.

As always love from Me.

Replaced.

Dear Universe,

How can he forget?

Forget all of those memories? How can he just move on with that girl two weeks after he told me that he hadn’t moved on? How can he be happy with her? Call her the same nicknames he once placed over my name. Share ‘happy couple’ photo’s on instagram on facebook. Making it ‘facebook official’, and saying ‘love you’. Maybe he is in love, and that hurts even more. But I know deep down that this is it. I have to move on, whether he’s truly in love, or just dating a ‘rebound’. It doesn’t matter, I know this. It just doesn’t feel fair, and I’m feeling easily replaced.

Dear Me,

You don’t know that he isn’t crying at night. He doesn’t know what you’re doing, and that is probably killing him, you can’t see what he’s feeling, and the looming pang in your stomach, which is there because you can never know what is in his thoughts, hoping he regrets letting you go, and hoping he thinks that you are much better than he current girlfriend. I have to say, that will come and go. My little girl he can put how ‘amazing’ his life is on social media, and he can have a laugh when he see’s you looking over his way, but that doesn’t mean it’s genuine.  I guarantee, even if he is genuinely in love with his new girlfriend, when you get a new guy in your life it will hurt him as much as it hurt you when you he called another girl ‘babe’. But do you know what? It will hurt him more. Because you waited to be strong enough to love again, when you weren’t heartbroken, when you fully recovered from his scars. You gave love to yourself, instead of trying to find yourself in another person. It will be real, and it will really hit home.

A person who is strong gives themselves time to recover, they give themselves space from relationships, focusing more on themselves than on finding someone else to define them. They build their walls so high that no one who is not worthy will break them again. They are queen’s and they rebuild their castle, of which has fallen, so it is stronger and taller. They will not let a penniless king come in from another county trying to steal her wealth of love and time. She will no longer fall for misguided compliments, or painful ego’s.  And when it comes to the time where she does feel able to have a man in her life, without letting him define her, he comes to her, NOT the other way round. He bows at her feet, and never treats her less than her worth.

She doesn’t give love easily anymore, she waits. Because she knows that her love is worth so much more than a simple 3 letter sentence, and an instagram post. Her love is rare. She is rare, and you my little girl are that girl. You are worth so much more, and I promise you now, your time will come. You are not second best, now act that way.

Mistakes.

Dear Universe,
My safety blanket is gone. I have made the worst mistakes, and the things I have done, they haunt me in my sleep.

My little girl,
Everyone, and I mean everyone makes mistakes. If you don’t then you wouldn’t be living, and that would be a pretty crappy life to be leading, wouldn’t it?
Have you ever played never have I ever as a drinking game? When all of you at a gathering are so drunk you probably couldn’t even say the 27 letters of the alphabet in order? That’s when the truth comes out right? And the stuff you find out is insane. Do you know why they’re insane? Because in order to do these insane things your friends have made their own share of mistakes. I send you mistakes so that you can learn from them. It could turn into a shit-storm yes, but then again it could not. You can’t predict the future so stop trying. I don’t want these negative vibes you’re sending me. Mostly because they’re negative, and mostly because they’re unnecessary. You made a mistake. It’s been done, and my dear you will make plenty more, I’m sure of it. But this is one mistake that you don’t have to make again, learning from it is how you become someone better, someone I’m hoping, and know you will grow up to be. Don’t let that one mistake haunt you. Use it. Use it too learn, use it as a motivation to be a better person, use it as a story to tell your children so that they don’t make the same one you did. So don’t let those thoughts haunt you, let them help you. You never needed a safety blanket anyway, you have the fire of desire in your heart to keep you warm.

Worry less little one, and keep smiling. I’m so proud of how far you have come.

So I fucked up Universe

To my dear Universe,

I fucked up. Not fucked up in a little way, like forgetting to send a birthday card, or accidentally burning someone’s meal. I fucked up in a way which is unforgivable and has wrecked people’s lives. Something which is so overlooked in the 21st century. What is it? No I didn’t cheat, I didn’t kill someone. What I did? I lied.  The horrible consequence of lying, it destroys the trust foundations which you have built with people over the years, and it takes less then 2 seconds to break down those walls. There are things called white lies, such as telling you children that the tooth fairy is real, but then there are the lies which ruin you. I remember my mum saying to me if I was lucky I would learn from other people’s mistakes. Well you can call me cursed, because I manage to go through a check list of all the mistakes you could make.

I have now lost what meant the world to me; my beloved pony, and my family’s trust in me. All because of a boy. Why did I do it? Well, you know that feeling you get when you’re walking over a bridge water below you, and there is that little voice in your head saying to you ‘what would happen if I threw my phone over the bridge?’ Even though you know what would happen you still have to hold your phone extra tightly because you’re scared that sudden adrenaline will come over you and make you throw it in. That is what I felt when I went to meet this boy.

I let people down Universe because I didn’t want to listen to what I knew was right. I put it all on the line for what I knew was wrong. Why I did it? I thought I could get away with it. I couldn’t.

From Me.

Dear Me,

People make mistakes, and yes you made a huge one. Maybe your family will never forgive you, but you have to let go of the past and work on making it better. It’s done, what is the point in sulking about it now? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with it.

Love makes you do stupid things, but maybe this is the biggest lesson of your life, maybe you had to go through this, in order to grow, in order to achieve something. If you have learnt this lesson then this is one of the best things that has ever happened to you.

It will get better, it will be okay. Believe in me and I will give you what you desire.

From the Universe.

The Cat

Dear Universe, it’s Me.

So this time I don’t need a reply, this time it’s just a message to say Thank you. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was broken. I asked the universe to send me a sign that I was going to be okay, I asked for stability; asking the universe to show me that it had my back.

If there’s one thing that you learn about me, it’s that I love animals. I have a lovely moggy cat, and a gorgeous mixed breed arab/connemara pony, and nothing makes me happier then them. When all hope is lost, they are there to pick me up from rock bottom. For me, they just get me on a level that people never can. So when a certain tabby cat appeared one day, looked me in the eye and then walked off, something clicked. I felt okay, I felt like my life wasn’t over, that I would rise again. However the next day I woke up with the breakup on re-run in my mind, and I felt like giving up on the world again. I came into work, the same time I do everyday, and sat at my desk. I was doing some paperwork when I looked outside and there I saw the same gorgeous tabby which had visited me the previous day. It returns everyday, and gives me hope.

When you feel like giving up, when you feel so low that you can’t bear staying awake, because being awake means that have to continue feeling like this. Ask for a sign. Give into the Universe and ask for hope. There is nothing to lose, but so much that you could gain.

From Me.