Before you, I was molded by perfection. I saw what I was worth, and I walked the ground like it had something it owed me.
Before you, I held my head so high that I couldn’t believe in gravity because I simply couldn’t see the ground.
I was your first everything, and I mean everything. So maybe, to you, I was just an experiment. Ready to test, question, then conclude to an end. Funnily enough, that’s not how I saw you. You had a lonely, broken heart because your friends couldn’t stand the melodramatic tone that was your presence. I made you become the amazing man you are today, and what did you give back? You gave back those sharp stones which I had removed from your soul. Returning them in anger.
Before you, I didn’t know what heart break felt like. All of those songs simply didn’t mean a thing to me, all of those movies where the girl gets over the boy by eating ice cream and spending 2 hours crying, I thought that was true. I thought all I needed to do, was to meet another perfect man, and to eat myself a tub of Ben&Jerry’s, and I suppose that costs only £3.99, so it can’t be that bad. But no. You made me fall in love so hard that I can’t drift away from you. But my heart is still broken, whilst yours is now fixed. I didn’t know what heart break felt like. But now I do, because of you.
You were perfect at first, spilling compliments like sugar in my tea. You treated me like treacle on a tart. Like a worshiper treats his goddess. You were perfect at first. However that tunnel where I could first see the light, you blocked off with your ego, and your selfish ways. You said you didn’t mean to hurt me, that you loved me, and because you said that, love to me is now a mystery.
The problem was you thought I was able to be owned, and I wasn’t. But you fought so hard that you turned everything I believed in into lies, and everything I believed against into commandments, which to me, were set in stone. You turned love into a nightmare full of insecurities and thorns, of which before I saw as a place where goodness, and happiness came from.
For a while I was attached to your bit of string, and now I am just about getting over the friction burns that you left. The string being so thin that I didn’t even know it was there. You were sneaky. I give you that. You wrapped me up in insecurities whilst pretending like I was the light of your world. You made me double look in the mirror because I forgot how I looked before. I had forgotten how to smile, and the times I did smile were those that I was told that I had too, for those ‘happy’ couple photographs, of which the command word was ‘cheese’.
What hurts the most is that I still look back on the happy memories, and am not plagued by the memories of the ongoing arguments, and looks which could of cut the oxygen out of the air. I don’t see the bad times. But of course you don’t, when you have your heart broken. Because the person that they turned into shares the same face of a person that you once knew as yours. They will always have that face. But what was yours, has now changed, and you are going to have to live with that.
I didn’t know what heartbreak was before you, but now I do.