What do you want?

Dear Me,

Sweetheart be honest with me, be honest and tell me what you want, what you crave, I need you to be straight and clear. Just tell me. I don’t like you feeling this way, and I want to help you get out of it, tell me what you want and your wish is my command.

Dear Universe,

I want that one person, the person who cuddles me to sleep at night, and doesn’t want the next morning to come around because it means that they have to let me go for the day, and that’s too long for them. I want the person who gets a buzz in their stomach when they get even the briefest of texts from me. I want to feel love, enough love to fix my broken pieces and piece me back together. I want a guy who knows me better than I know myself, and loves and is there for me no matter what I do or how I feel. I need that person. I thought I had that person, and I don’t know what to do if I lose him, and to be honest with you I don’t know if I already have.

Dear Me,

Well first you need to feel the love of yourself to get that love in return, so get loving yourself, and second, the only people you lose in your life are the people who aren’t worth a second of your time. You are worthy of so much, you are a catch and you need to act like it. It’s okay sometimes to wallow in self pity but sometimes you need to get up and act like you’re tougher then you really are, you will have your fallbacks, you will cry yourself to sleep on occasions, but you will get up, because that’s what you do, you will always get back up! Don’t give up, and remember to have fun.

Advertisements

It’s Happening Again

Dear Universe,

You have always been there for me, and to say I’m grateful for that would be an understatement. I admit that I do not have a clue what your true powers are, and for me to learn that, I know will take a long time. There will times where I don’t believe in you as much as I should, and don’t let you help me. But there will also be times where I rely on you, and only you.

The thing is, at the moment I’m feeling less the my worth, and of course that is allowing people to treat me so, and I don’t know how to get back up again. I have acne, my boyfriends’ away and I have forgotten how to cope, how to power through, my confidence has dropped, and I want the bright and bubbly me back again. I need help, and to be more specific, I need your help. So please, enlighten me.

Dear Little One,

Oh please don’t worry so much, it’s draining you, and there is nothing to worry about. You know that I will cover you when you’re feeling down, letting nothing you can’t handle come your way. I know you’re struggling at the moment, I know things can sometimes seem like they are too much, but that is when you turn your phone off, turn everything off, take a drive somewhere, see your pony and just BE. Not everything will always be like this, I promise. It will work out, one way or another.

Why am I scared?

Dear Universe,

Why am I scared? I know that you have my back, there is no reason I should be frightened, right? But the future scares me more than you can ever know. I feel alone in this big world, and I don’t want to be alone.

Dear Me,

Oh my darling little girl. You came into this world without fear, and I very much hope that you will leave without it too. Being scared is natural, we are scared because it protects us from getting broken. There are times where I will do something which scares you, and I do this for your benefit. You won’t learn what being burnt feels like by not touching anything which is hot, and if you don’t learn this from early on then you will get burnt so badly that you will never recover.

So I tell you this now. If you get rejected from that perfect job, it’s because you weren’t ready for it. If you get your heart broken, it’s because I’m getting you ready to meet the love of your life. If I do something which makes you break down in tears, I’m doing it to teach you how to be strong. My dear girl, you were born into this world to be a Queen, and to be a Queen you have to experience the good and the bad. You hold your head high not because you want to, but because you have taught yourself that being weak is not in your vocabulary. So holding your head high has become second nature.

Wear that façade, because I don’t want anyone seeing how vulnerable you are, and if they do, then you will laugh it off like some sick joke you are tired of hearing. Being weak does not define you, it has never defined you. So stand up, no matter what, and give it your all. I know you are scared but I give you the things I know you can cope with. So if I don’t think you’re ready,  I will not put your wants above your needs. But when I know you are ready I’m going to hit you with everything I’ve got. So little girl, stand up and this is your time to take on the world.

I’m on your side little one. So trust me when I say, there is no need to be scared.

So I fucked up Universe

To my dear Universe,

I fucked up. Not fucked up in a little way, like forgetting to send a birthday card, or accidentally burning someone’s meal. I fucked up in a way which is unforgivable and has wrecked people’s lives. Something which is so overlooked in the 21st century. What is it? No I didn’t cheat, I didn’t kill someone. What I did? I lied.  The horrible consequence of lying, it destroys the trust foundations which you have built with people over the years, and it takes less then 2 seconds to break down those walls. There are things called white lies, such as telling you children that the tooth fairy is real, but then there are the lies which ruin you. I remember my mum saying to me if I was lucky I would learn from other people’s mistakes. Well you can call me cursed, because I manage to go through a check list of all the mistakes you could make.

I have now lost what meant the world to me; my beloved pony, and my family’s trust in me. All because of a boy. Why did I do it? Well, you know that feeling you get when you’re walking over a bridge water below you, and there is that little voice in your head saying to you ‘what would happen if I threw my phone over the bridge?’ Even though you know what would happen you still have to hold your phone extra tightly because you’re scared that sudden adrenaline will come over you and make you throw it in. That is what I felt when I went to meet this boy.

I let people down Universe because I didn’t want to listen to what I knew was right. I put it all on the line for what I knew was wrong. Why I did it? I thought I could get away with it. I couldn’t.

From Me.

Dear Me,

People make mistakes, and yes you made a huge one. Maybe your family will never forgive you, but you have to let go of the past and work on making it better. It’s done, what is the point in sulking about it now? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with it.

Love makes you do stupid things, but maybe this is the biggest lesson of your life, maybe you had to go through this, in order to grow, in order to achieve something. If you have learnt this lesson then this is one of the best things that has ever happened to you.

It will get better, it will be okay. Believe in me and I will give you what you desire.

From the Universe.

The Cat

Dear Universe, it’s Me.

So this time I don’t need a reply, this time it’s just a message to say Thank you. When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was broken. I asked the universe to send me a sign that I was going to be okay, I asked for stability; asking the universe to show me that it had my back.

If there’s one thing that you learn about me, it’s that I love animals. I have a lovely moggy cat, and a gorgeous mixed breed arab/connemara pony, and nothing makes me happier then them. When all hope is lost, they are there to pick me up from rock bottom. For me, they just get me on a level that people never can. So when a certain tabby cat appeared one day, looked me in the eye and then walked off, something clicked. I felt okay, I felt like my life wasn’t over, that I would rise again. However the next day I woke up with the breakup on re-run in my mind, and I felt like giving up on the world again. I came into work, the same time I do everyday, and sat at my desk. I was doing some paperwork when I looked outside and there I saw the same gorgeous tabby which had visited me the previous day. It returns everyday, and gives me hope.

When you feel like giving up, when you feel so low that you can’t bear staying awake, because being awake means that have to continue feeling like this. Ask for a sign. Give into the Universe and ask for hope. There is nothing to lose, but so much that you could gain.

From Me.

 

Break ups.

Dear Universe, it’s me.

I really do wonder sometimes why you put me through hell. I thought he was the love of my life, and you allowed his family to get him to choose them over me, even when they treat him like sh*t? Seriously, at the moment I’m really trying to understand why you do the things you do. I miss him every single day, and I haven’t heard a word from him. He said he wanted to be with me forever, he said that he would do anything for me, we were even saving up for a house. So what happened Universe? Why did this have to happen?

From Me.

Dear me, it’s the Universe.

Seriously, you need to trust me more. You say you believe in me, but you don’t trust my timing at all. He was not the love of your life. He was a love, yes, and he was in your life. I made him choose his family because he was only right for you for a certain amount of time. He was your first love, yes. I get that, and he will always remain with you, and you will always remain with him. No one can stop that. But you are going to go on to do great things, and he was destroying that girl, I couldn’t let that happen. You’re my little girl, and I will do what is right for you. Trust me, I will find the man of your dreams and I will bring him to you, but you need to trust in my timing. Right now in your life you need to find yourself again, and when the time is right, and you are ready, I will bring your prince charming to you. Most likely when you’re not bloody looking for him. So stop wanting your ex back, start believing in me, and be that girl I know you can be. You do not need a man to define you, you need belief in yourself to do that.

Yours Sincerely, The Universe.